Ramblings

An entire year without blogging, without recording a single thought. I simply fail to see the point in recording my every photographic thought anymore. Who the fuck cares. I haven't taken a decent photograph since april and I honestly couldn't give a fuck. I made amazing photographs that came from a place of hurt and anger and now that I have spent some time working on me. Dropping friends that didn't make me happy and acquiring knew ones that do. Spending my days doing things that make me happy, things that are most of the time, shady as fuck but that make me happy all the same. I have a few project ideas but lack the motivation to do it. I think all my creative motivation in the past came from feelings of pain, anger, jealousy and even boredom.  And now that i'm not angry at the world, now that I am just experiencing and enjoying what the world has to offer, I can't bring myself to take a fucking photograph.
But then again, am I so pompus that I think that anyone actually cares?

I think my google account has been hacked :S people receiving weird email and shares, its not me!

Day 2: Lightbulb!

So we got our assignments yesterday and it was basically do what you want, produce 10 finished images for a crit in 5 weeks time have a research folder to have looked at at christmas then to hand in at easter and apart from that you can do as many or as few projects as we want over the year.
Absolutely no boundaries.  Which is not as good as I thought it would have been the no boundaries means there is no starting point for us so it has taken a full 24 hours of thinking to come up with one HUGE ass project to do over the year which will be substituted with a few little ones that will be thought of at a later state.
I am going to make my own magazine, like a full on vogue in one year all on my lonesome! I know I'm excited too!!!
I love fashion magazines and I would love to work for one so why not design my own! Exactly the way I would want one to be.
Im so buzzed!!

My first day as a year 2 ... Kill me now

Day 1: The shit hits the fan!

So I get my arse out of bed and manage to stumble blurry eyed into uni to discover that in a weeks time we have to do a presentation on what we have been doing over the summer. Well that will take me all of 2 seconds, NOTHING! I have been working to get money for holidays rent and car insurance. I needed about £2000 so I worked like a mother! I didn't manage to motivate or inspire myself to do anything. So now the plan is to produce work in the next week I could pass off as summer work, think it will work?

I also have to say where my work is going as a photographer which is very hard because I genuinely don't know. I don't have a life plan, I don't live like that. I'm more spontaneous.

Empty

   Its incredibly poignant how everyone is leaving halls of residence, all of the rooms are empty and the kitchens are getting bare.  Since I'm pretty much here until the end that last day will be really strange, the emptiness that fills the halls now compared to the start of the year when they were bursting with activity with student union members charging around with megaphones dragging people out of their rooms screaming lets get fucking wankered.  Now they are barren and lifeless. Its very eerie. 


This all has a plus side, I can now use the washer or dryer whenever I feel the need as theres no one here to wash their clothing. 


I'm going to miss this place, everything mouldy and theres flies everywhere, nothing ever works and everyone is noisy but by god I'm going to miss this place. 


Arrivederci 

Stuck in a rut

I need to keep myself busy, creatively thinking because all I seem to be doing is working and watching telly which isn't the summer that I had in mind.  I can't think of anything I want to photograph, although I appreciate my job I cant help notice that it stunts my creative thinking, it kind of numbs me.  I desperately need a project, I was thinking of making work my project but how to sneak a camera into work and not get caught which would result in being sacked I have no idea.

Its been a while

Hmmmmm, where to start. 

Well I guess I should start at the beginning and when I come to the end, I’ll stop.  

I have been surrounded with some very trippy influences lately, whilst writing I am watching the film Labyrinth, the one with David Bowie in you know the one that damn right convinces you that you have consumed a very large dose and LSD or some other hallucinogenic substance.  All I’m going to say in whatever George Lucas was on I want some.  I also finished up reading the original Alice in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass which I must say isn’t nearly as exciting as watching the Disney version as a child, but I do love Alice I can loose myself in that world so easily.  I also started Dorian Grey which is trippy in its own right I love that story, I love the idea of it. 

I have also gone back to work full time over the summer which is the cause for my lack of blogging, I simply haven't had anything interesting to say, my creative side has been de sensitised and battered a little by the corporate monsters.  But I only went full time to get some money together as we (the bf and I) want to go to Florence this summer and I have committed by buying a travel guide and a learn Italian DVD. I want to do things this summer, I don’t just want to do nothing, work all summer and come out with money but what’s the cost? To get that money I will find myself selling my soul to Ronald Mc Donald for £5.95 an hour which is a price I’m not prepared to accept.  I want to do things this summer, see place and achieve things. 

In fact ... we booked the holiday today!! £508 for a week in Florence inc 22kg of luggage flights and hotel with breakfast. Its not bad.  I cant wait, I'm already looking up places to go and things to see and cramming my ipod with apps and italian language lessons :P. I'm so happy. 

I need a photographic project for the summer, I can't come out at the end of the summer with no work to show I don't think I could face my tutor.